We are here to help married couples work through challenges. Marriage Counseling breathes new life into the relationship and focuses on ways to reconnect and work through difficult issues.
We are complex beings who wear many hats. In the past, the history of marriage counseling was that it was very centered on the individual. The concept was that if you could fix your individual problems through therapy, then you both could simply go work on your problems with different therapists. Then you could come back, some time later, both of you “fixed” and everything should work, right? But this didn’t work. This is BECAUSE we are not just solely individuals. What does this mean? Well …
This is because a relationship, a marriage, becomes sort of a third person. The two of you come together and there is this third “thing” that is created. In other words, to have a successful marriage, we learn how to NOT focus just on ourselves, or solely on the self. And rather, two of us come together and put energy into this beautiful thing. A relationship is an act of creation.
This means that a relationship is not all about having “my” needs met. It is not all about “me”. A lot of us enter into a relationship or a marriage thinking, “if my personal needs are not met, then something is wrong with this. And maybe I should look elsewhere.” This narrative is why there is so much destruction in relationships and the world. The person who has this belief will often ruin the lives of their partners and their children. And it’s not even so much their fault because this is how we are taught, as a society. Or shall we say we are NOT taught? Relationships are not in taught in school, which is surprising because they are the most important thing in our world.
Marriage Counseling isn’t Taught in Schools
Think about it: How many marriage counseling classes did you take growing up? How many relationship classes in school? We would guess zero. This is because these classes are not taught in school. This is strange because relationships are the most important things in our lives. Ask people who are dying, or passing on, what they think. They’ve seen it all! People who are dying, on their deathbed, say that money and status and things that we own are meaningless. And then they say the only thing that matters is our relationships. The person that we love comes up again and again. The person who was there for us when we were not at our 100%. They came and they helped when nobody else was around.
But somewhere we are taught that the relationship or the marriage is where we are supposed to go to make everything just magically “fixed”. A person might say “she is perfect for ME.” Or “he is perfect for ME.” Rather than “what can I do for this person?” So often, we treat relationships kind of like going to fill the car up to get some gas. Or when you’re tired, to go drink some coffee. But marriage isn’t a “Stop and Go” to “get” something.
Strengthen Your Love
When you look at a senior couple who have been married for decades – and then one of them dies – it is not uncommon for the second partner to die shortly after. This is because they “can’t live” without the person they love. It’s almost as if they absorbed each other’s characteristics. Their very personalities. And they became inter-related. They have become in many ways, “one”.
This one-ness is your relationship. It’s not you, it’s not me, it’s “we.” That’s lyrics to a Neil Diamond song. And he is correct. And since this is the case, we need to participate. We need to show up. Marriage counseling teaches you how to show up and how to make it work … And by the way, there’s no greater reward THAN making this work. Looking in the eyes of the person you love, and knowing that you showed up. You may not always be winning, but you showed up. This is something money can’t buy. So you’re in the right place – soul searching together.
Any married couple or partnership can make the decision to seek marriage counseling services at Sunflower Counseling – whether you have been together for 1 or 2 years or almost 50 years. You don’t need to wait until a monumental issue arises before you seek help. Everyday “regular” couples seek marriage counseling to find it strengthens their love.
Our Marriage Counselors are Here to Guide You
Healthy relationships are vital for our joy and success in life. Whenever there is dysfunction or something that is just not “right”, it can seep into every aspect of our lives. Maybe you are finding that you’re having a difficult time getting through the workday or being present with your kids. Even on a basic level, you might notice your energy is low and you’re feeling more anxious or depressed? This can be devastating, stressful, and feel like a monumental weight of frustration.
Just remember: There’s a reason that you came together. And usually, a person picks their partner based on a reason that is subconscious. Who raised them when they were children? It is no coincidence that we are attracted to people who share these original caregiver attributes. And we choose these people subconsciously. We didn’t know we were doing this – that they were like the people who raised us in many ways – when we first met them. So what does this mean? This means that the person we choose has a lot of the same themes that we came into contact with when we were children. This can be both positive and negative. This is warts and all – and often there’s a lot of warts.
But don’t fret. A lot of people get stuck in a fixed mindset, where they are either “winning” or “losing”. Our job, as showing up for our marriage, is to simply work at it. The people who succeed recognize this. It’s not a straight path. We have to take the path down by the river and duck under the hornet’s nest. And we might get stung. The important thing is that we keep going. A lot of people escape into drugs or alcohol or infidelity or gambling rather than doing what matters most. Or they just escape into apathy and television and the internet. But this isn’t you. You’re here. You’re showing up and you’re taking the journey. And you’re willing to do whatever it takes to make your marriage work – whatever that means for you. And our marriage counselors are here to guide and help you on the most important journey of your life. There is nothing more important than the love of your life.
Find The Right Marriage Counselor
At Sunflower Counseling we have counselors who specialize in working with couples. Our marriage counselors have years of experience and training to provide excellent care. Couples have also found it is often helpful to begin their own counseling in this process. We make it easy to add this additional help if that is what is requested. Our team of marriage counselors are here to make sure you receive expert guidance to heal and make your life one that is remembered.
Why Work With Us?
We believe that a healthy marriage is part of being a healthy adult. It’s taking responsibility for more than just yourself. And by doing so, tending the garden with the person you love, you get to experience the magic of life. When you make your relationship the most important thing, when you make it your priority – then and only then are your needs met. Because isn’t a movie better when you’re with your best friend? And a walk? Looking at a sunset? And we at Sunflower Counseling understand this. We are healing not so much childhood wounds, but we are engaged in a creative act in which two people are coming together to put in the time, to show up, to say “I’m going to work at it. I’m going to work on us – with you. Because I love you.”
Get Started Today
Call us today to get started. Remember our therapists are just giving you the gentle nudge toward the life you are wanting to have. We know it’s scary to make the initial call, but we are here to help. Our marriage counselors are committed to helping you through this process in a gentle and compassionate way. We find tremendous joy in seeing the success and positive change in others. And we have encountered virtually every scenario. And that means we have a roadmap to your success. So don’t worry, your problems are not new. You’re not alone. And we will guide your coming together with the connection and love you deserve.