Today I’ll tackle part 2 of my list of daily self-compassion practices. These are borrowed from a modernized Buddhist list which, in turn, borrows from a wide variety of wisdom sources. As I noted in the last part, customizing this list to your own needs and goals will be important for each of us. Some ideas that you have now might not work for your friends and vice versa. And some goals that you have now will fade away as life circumstances change.
You might also want to pick and choose which practices to work on each day. Remember that each new attempt is progress. Change will not happen overnight. And the goal of the practices is greater self-compassion and harmony with the world around you.
Practice Generosity
One of my favorite Buddhist teachings suggests that the great saint could sacrifice his or her life to truly help others. But the rest of us shouldn’t do that or even try. We would feel regret and fear and possibly cause greater harm than good. Instead, think small. Start with carrots and potatoes.
You could do that literally, if you know people who would benefits from your carrots and potatoes. Or you could think about other things that are very small to you but could be enormously beneficial to others. Giving a little time – to a child or a parent – could be received very well. Or cleaning out some old clothes or stuff from storage and giving it away. It doesn’t have to be anything big. Remember, you don’t want to jump in to a point where you might feel regrets.
Small Acts of Kindness
The simplest small act of kindness is a smile. Though sometimes that is the most difficult. I find that no matter how difficult things are for me, when I go to a grocery store or gas station, I can reach deep down and find a smile to offer the strangers there.
Another small act of kindness is listening. Asking others how they are doing and really listening can mean a great deal. Today, one of the great mental health crises facing us is loneliness. Many people are lonely even though they have jobs and friends around—the just don’t feel like they have anyone they can talk to about important issues in their lives. Or they feel like they’d be a burden, so they don’t. Being willing to listen can build profound connection and make it easier for you to reach out and share when you need it most.
Build Mindfulness into your Life
If you can build little mini-mindfulness sessions into your daily life, you’ll find your ability to come back to the present getting stronger and stronger. Perhaps when you sit down at your desk to begin work, you can pause and take in three deep, slow breaths. Perhaps you could do that every time you open a new tab on your internet browser as well, or when you first sit in your car or pour your first cup of coffee.
These tiny breaks from the rush and hustle of life create a built-in habit of present-centered awareness.
Keep a Journal
Writing for 20 or 30 minutes when you first wake up can be a powerful way to organize your thoughts and set your intentions for the day. Journaling at night allows you to reflect on important aspects of the day and write down what felt in tune with your deeper values and what did not.
You can use a journal to keep track of days of exercise or without alcohol, or days when you remembered to practice kindness toward other drivers on your daily commute. Journaling is also a powerful way to reflect on deeper questions like your state of happiness or connection with your spiritual or religious path. Being honest with yourself in your journal allows you to come back later and read and reflect further: what changes have benefited you, what might be more difficult now?
Engage with your Community
Years ago, the social philosopher Robert Putnam wrote a book called, “Bowling Alone: The Collapse and Revival of the American Community.” In it, he noted the breakdown of social spaces and communal practices. Bowling was the paragon: from the 1950s-1980s, bowling leagues were a strong part of many American communities, drawing together people of varied backgrounds. However, some time in the 1990s, this began to diminish greatly. People were still bowling, Putnam found. But there were literally “bowling alone.”
To update this example a bit, we can think of the way we consume movies and TV today. We no longer need to go to theatres to watch many movies, nor do we go to video stores to rent them, instead we stream them directly in our homes. TV streaming services are so numerous that we no longer have access to the same shows as our neighbors and we certainly don’t eagerly await each new episode along with millions of other Americans as we did in decades past.
We often don’t go out to cafes, many of us even prefer to have our groceries delivered, and other forms of past civic engagement and connection have simply fallen away. So it makes sense that many of us feel more cut off or alone. If we can connect more, even in small ways, we can help build better communities and better lives for ourselves.
This can come in the way of joining a religious group, neighborhood association, or getting involved in city politics. All of these are places where you can learn, offer services, and in turn make connections that will help you in the future.
Conclusion
Lists like these help us remember that there are countless small things we can do each day to connect with our deepest values, our ultimate foundation. As with all compassion practices, our deepest compassion should be toward ourselves. It is through this deepest compassion that we will find our greatest joy.
Justin Whitaker, Ph.D., holds a doctorate in Buddhist ethics from the University of London. He has given lectures, and taught Buddhist studies and Philosophy at Oxford University, the University of Hong Kong, the University of Montana, and at Antioch University’s intensive study-abroad program in India. A certified meditation teacher, he is a regular contributor to Patheos.com, and Senior Correspondent for Buddhistdoor Global. Justin is the official blog writer for Sunflower Counseling MT in Missoula, Butte, Kalispell, Billings, and surrounding areas. He lives in Missoula with his family.