A psychopathic narcissist, often known as a malignant narcissist, is a person who displays characteristics of both narcissistic and antisocial personality disorders, and in some cases, traits of psychopathy as well. This combination often results in a complex and potentially harmful personality type that can cause significant distress to those they interact with.
Such individuals are usually marked by an excessive sense of self-importance and entitlement, and they often lack empathy for others. In other words, they are living in a different reality. These narcissistic tendencies are intensified by the antisocial traits they possess. This often includes a disregard for societal norms and the rights of others, impulsivity, and a propensity for deceit, manipulation, and gaslighting.
Psychopathic narcissists can also be particularly charming and charismatic, at least on the surface. This façade often enables them to attract and influence others. However, beneath this charm often lies that propensity for manipulation, coercion, and sometimes even violence.
Unlike a typical narcissist, who might use manipulation to maintain their self-image or secure validation, a psychopathic narcissist might manipulate or deceive others simply because they can, or for their own personal gain. They often possess a high level of intelligence and a predatory instinct, which they use to exploit others without remorse.
In relationships, they may gaslight their partners, making them question their own perceptions of reality. They also often exhibit controlling behavior, and may isolate their partners from friends and family.
It’s critical to understand that a relationship or interaction with a psychopathic narcissist can be deeply damaging. They are experts at playing on people’s vulnerabilities and emotions. If you suspect that you are dealing with such an individual, professional help should be sought as soon as possible.
Navigating the Malignant Narcissist
It might be the case that you’ve had the good fortune of not crossing paths with such individuals in your life, or at least, not recently. Some among us have managed to avoid their grasp.
Navigating such encounters does require a certain knack. Now, let me share a little wisdom with you – it’s not about being ‘nice’. It’s about standing firm. You may need to muster a sternness you didn’t know you had. You must learn to say ‘no’, and importantly, without justification.
People with narcissistic traits often feed on these justifications. It’s their lifeblood. They’re on the lookout for this energy, this drama, to coax you into doing what they want!
If you feel like you are somehow “hooked” or like you are emotionally “taken hostage” where you cannot speak your mind – then this is a hint that something is going on.
You Must Be Able to Say “No” Freely
Being kind is an admirable trait, isn’t it? We’re usually inclined not to cause harm to others. We tend to introspect and question if perhaps we’re at fault, or haven’t reflected deeply enough.
This might make it a challenge for you to say no, particularly without providing a lengthy explanation. Yet, trust me when I say, the moment you muster the courage to simply say ‘no’, they, the malignant narcissists, might swiftly shift their focus elsewhere. Why? Because as narcissists, they’re primarily consumed with their own interests. They will probably be off to the next victim if you cut it off fast enough.
It’s quite the contrast from where you might find yourself after breaking it off – mulling over them and the recent events of “what just happened”.
My Run-Ins
It takes me back to an old acquaintance who had a knack for creativity. Because he was so brilliant at brainstorming, I would seek his input on my concepts. He was always quick to fire back suggestions, in a burst of unbridled enthusiasm. “That’s amazing!” I would respond.
However, he wouldn’t cease. The ideas would come in a torrent, like an unstoppable machine. Eventually, he would assert that his contributions had transformed it into ‘our’ creation. Then, he would claim that since he had spent more time working on it, it was now ‘his’ story, or video game, or music composition, or entrepreneurial project. If I dared contest this, he threatened to sue.
Naturally, this led to the dissolution of our friendship, but the initial idea was now spoiled. It had been stained. A while later, he would reenter my life, overwhelmed with emotion and pleading for forgiveness.
Wishing to see the best in people, I would let him back into my life. It was only a matter of time before I came up with another promising idea.
This cycle of manipulation is what a narcissist thrives on. They draw sustenance from their ‘host’ in a relentless loop. The host, often unwittingly, also engages in this dance. For example, I didn’t have to share my ideas with him.
In a way, I think I was drawn to this dynamic. It added a certain thrill to my otherwise mundane existence. The bite of it, as unsettling as it was, felt real, perhaps mirroring some part of my childhood.
Little did I comprehend that a touch of boredom can be a good thing. But again, these people provide plenty of excitement and escape.
I recommend this song, “Simple Man” by Leonard Skynyrd. It might resonate with, in many ways, who I am now, compared to back then.
Severing Ties
Keep in mind, severing ties with them is often important. They don’t see the world the same way you do. There might be a tumultuous outburst, but your role is to gracefully make your exit. They might resurface, often as many as six times, before disappearing for good.
To reiterate: they might also try to manipulate you using an object, perhaps a screenplay, a dispute over property, or something as trivial as a computer. They could offer you an attractive deal only to take advantage of your goodwill. And, like a fish, you will feel strangely “stuck”.
Remember, your goal should be to maintain distance. What seems like a straightforward deal could devolve into a complicated situation where you feel trapped and powerless.
From their perspective, you’re merely a stepping stone to their end goal. They need to sell you that computer. They spent time with you, and so now, you gotta buy that Mac because they showed you how the software works. And if you don’t, then you are to be shamed and scolded because YOU were the one who are now somehow violating and conning them!
See how it works? Let’s kind of do a quick review.
Review
Understanding this can be tough, primarily because you operate differently. You value empathy, kindness, and connection, and it’s difficult to comprehend that they might not share these values. To them, you could be merely a stepping stone to their desired outcome. And once the transaction is complete, they may disappear from your life.
However, there is a caveat. If they perceive you to be a profitable source for their needs, they may attempt to exploit you again. Like a vampire. The moment you no longer serve their purpose, they’ll vanish. This is not a genuine friendship, and it certainly isn’t love. It’s manipulation, plain and simple.
It’s also crucial to remember that since these individuals don’t view the world as you do, they might pose a potential threat. Even the most straightforward business transaction with them is better avoided.
For instance, you might hire them to carry out a simple task, like picking up milk from the store. Sounds easy, right? However, with this individual, they’re likely to make even the simplest tasks complicated. Plus, they’re indifferent about being dishonest to get what they want. To them, you’re merely a tool in their grand scheme.
In the end, even if you receive the milk, the stress and potential risks involved aren’t worth it.
If you feel you might be dealing with such a situation, please don’t hesitate to reach out for help. Find someone who can guide you back onto a healthier path, such as a trusted friend, family member, or a mental health professional. Just remember, it’s essential to take care of yourself and prioritize your well-being above all.
To reiterate
Remember that your safety and well-being are paramount, and no one deserves to be treated as a means to someone else’s selfish ends. It’s also important to remember that it’s not your responsibility to change or save them. Dealing with a psychopathic narcissist can require professional intervention, and it’s okay to seek that help.
John Michaels, a Missoula native and author, has been captivating readers with his writing for years. A graduate of Brown University’s esteemed creative writing program, Michaels has spent the majority of his career crafting stories that resonate with his readers and capture the essence of the human experience. Despite the demands of raising children, Michaels has continued to pursue his passions, finding solace in the bustling downtown Missoula scene. There, he spends his free time honing his craft, whether it be working on short stories, playing music, or dedicating himself to his work at Sunflower Counseling, MT.