It is all too easy to judge others harshly.
We live in a world that values perfectionism, and people who do not fit the mold of “normal” can quickly be evaluated and judged in a negative light. We often come across these people who are not following the traditional paths we are used to. They may make mistakes or act in ways that are different from what is expected of them.
But what if we could create a safe space – an imaginary container in our minds – where people who are not going down a so-called “normal” path – can make mistakes without fear of judgement?
The idea is this: that healing and healthy communication cannot be done without making space for hearing things we disagree with.
Who are these people?
We all know them. We all have them in our lives.
Sometimes they’re artists. Sometimes they’re outliers – people who live on the fringes of society. Maybe they have struggled harder than the rest of us with addiction. And other times, they’re just our relatives. You know that one uncle?
These people may not be “safe” to be around on a regular basis. They might be narcissists – meaning, they can only see things from their perspective. And the last thing you want to do is to address the fact that you think they are a narcissist – because they won’t be able to handle it.
But, with this said – maybe you will run into them over Christmas and the holidays at that family get together!
And if you do, is it possible to be professional?
What does it mean to “be professional”?
Being professional means to be on your good behavior. It doesn’t mean you don’t challenge each other. It doesn’t mean you don’t speak your mind or don’t get intimate. It simply means, you be nice to each other, and you don’t lose it and be unkind.
It’s kind of like you’re working customer service – and the customer is always right.
If one of you says something that the other one doesn’t like, you “make space” to let the other one make the mistake. You let them say that “thing” that is offensive, (there are limits of course within reason – you can always walk out and leave, of course, at any time. Just do it in a friendly and professional manner). And then you move on quickly and let it go because you “made space”. You have been expecting this and now look – they did it – surprise!
The idea is to be yourselves – warts and all – without throwing a fit.
And it doesn’t mean you have to “live” in Disneyland. It just means while we are going through Christmas, you put on your listening cap. And by doing this, you simply make space for them and literally bite your lip.
Again, just like if you are in customer service, or you are giving an interview – you are being professional.
Another word for this is to be an adult.
While this concept of being professional may sound pretty simple, lots of people won’t understand it. Especially difficult people. So it might be best to not bring it up because they might become defensive and simply not get it and use it as a tool to create more drama!
“I cannot be professional because then I cannot be myself,” they might say.
“Okay,” you say.
There is no winning. And that’s okay.
And just because you disagree with them doesn’t mean you’re better than them. It helps to remind yourself that these are your fellow creators. And you may not be on the same path, and that’s okay.
Thus, this is something you will be doing to live the kind of life you want to live, in peace! But every person you run into will not be coming from your same perspective, again. You will run into all types in this life. So it’s important that we are not reactive and we navigate through these obstacles without letting it get us down.
Prepare Beforehand
You know what they are going to say. And it’s going to be bad. They’re going to say that thing that is totally not PC in any way from your perspective. And it will probably be disrespectful or manipulative from your perspective. Furthermore, they will not seem to even know that it is not on the level. There will be no acknowledgement or knowledge of this on their behalf – because it’s all about them.
Again, if you bring it up, or call them out on it, there might be a fight! And Christmas will be ruined because now we’re going in circles in the “maze of drama”.
So maybe it’s best to pick our battles and to let it go? Just this one time? Can we not even let ourselves get sucked in?
Is it even possible to “make space”?
Prepare Before the Event
And so the key then is you mentally prepare before the event.
My wife and I do this with each other.
We say, “Okay they are going to say this. And we know they are going to say this stuff that we don’t like to hear. And they may try and get us to react because that’s what they do. So with this said, we are not going to react. And we are going to put that into a box. And we are going to act like it wasn’t said and laugh it off and maybe give ourselves a secret look. And we will move forward with the conversation and let it go and pick our battles. It’s okay. We can do this.”
It helps to get plenty of sleep before these events! And don’t drink or eat a lot of sugar to keep yourself staying in the zone to be able to handle anything, laugh it off, let it go, and move on.
The Power of Allowing Vulnerability
The first step in creating this space is allowing the person to be vulnerable. This means giving them the chance to express their feelings, no matter how uncomfortable or embarrassing they may be. When someone feels heard and understood, it gives them the courage to open up further and explore their emotions more deeply. In turn, this helps build trust – which allows us to get along even more.
The second step is understanding that everyone’s journey is different. Just because someone does not conform to society’s idea of “normal” does not mean they have failed or are any less deserving of love and acceptance than anyone else.
We all have different paths.
Reminding ourselves of this allows us to simply be more supportive.
Finally, it helps to say that this is an environment where failure is not only accepted but celebrated as part of a growth and learning process.
I am a Safe Place
You are in essence, saying, “when you hang around with me, you are going to be safe. I don’t care what you say. You are in a safe place. You will be safely delivered from point A to point B.”
I highly recommend you read some of our blogs on “Non-Violent Communication.”
Here is one of them:
“Life is either a tragedy or a comedy.”
Everyone makes mistakes, but it’s how we learn from them that matters most in the long run. By making room for these moments of growth, we can come out stronger than ever before.
Again, I’m not saying to “live here”. I am saying that you pick your friends but you don’t pick your family. And if you have to be around your “sometimes perhaps” challenging family members during Christmas, then do what you can to make space for them.
Conclusion
Creating a safe space for people who are not going down a normal path can be incredibly rewarding – and maybe even a fun challenge!
By allowing vulnerability, understanding that everyone’s journey is different, and celebrating failure as part of the growth process, you can help empower those around you.
Ultimately, creating space for people emotionally and psychologically will help them work through their problems more effectively than ever before!
Yes, this is the idealist pipe dream, perhaps.
So maybe you can’t do it, maybe it’s too hard for now – and that’s okay! But remember: we all gotta start somewhere.
And being professional is a great start.
Here is another link on non-violent communication: