Continuing with the psychologist and humanist philosopher Eric Fromm’s book The Art of Being, this week I want to recap his insights about two other modes of living: will and whim. As an aside, I find it fascinating that he is giving us these simple contrasts. We’ve all probably heard the story of the two wolves fighting within us. The mindfulness teacher Sharon Salzberg relates it as such:
One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people.
He said, “My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil – It is anger, fear, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego.
“The other is Good – It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith.”
The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked his grandfather: “Which wolf wins?”
The old Cherokee simply replied, “The one you feed.”
There is almost something primordial and universal about this realization about our two potential paths in life. Or, more correctly, the two aspects of our character playing out and perhaps even battling for our attention. In Christian lore, we find the image of a demon on one shoulder and an angel on the other. In Buddhist artwork, a circle shows a “white” path of moral living, monasticism, and saintliness on one side and a “black” path of anger, greed, and ignorance on the other.
Living on a Whim
For Fromm, living on a whim is essentially passive. We get urges and simply submit to them. One day perhaps we want to play violin so we begin. But after a while we get bored and no longer want to play, so we stop. Then another whim arises and we follow it.
Some whims are distractions. We are bored with life so on a whim we seek out junk food. Some people, Fromm relates, are unhappy in their relationships, so they chase whims to avoid time together. One partner might seek out TV, mindlessly changing channels just to pass the time. Or another might take up a mindless hobby or regular alcohol use just to numb themselves until it is time for sleep. As Fromm saw, this is sadly all too common.
What are the whims that take up time in our lives today? Social media certainly can be a whim that becomes almost compulsive and addictive. The collection of stuff (as discussed in the last post) is another way to distract ourselves from life.
As with most things, there is no silver bullet to eliminating whims in our life. Some have become habits that we’ll want to break, especially those like alcohol and junk foods that will degrade the quality of our lives slowly but surely—and will likely cut them short as well. Mindfulness helps here. Being honest with ourselves, what in our lives is uplifting our health and goals, and what is taking us away? For most people a glass of wine or a piece of cake now and then is no problem. But, again being honest, we might ask if either of these or other things has become an all-too-regular part of life.
Living our Will
Our will, in contrast, is the active aspect of life. We are acting on our will when we set out on projects that are of our own choosing and that will make us proud in life. I’ve written about two tremendous acts of will in my own life: earning a PhD and running a marathon. I have a sense of fulfillment when I think of both of these.
I might say “pride” too, but different understandings of that term can be misleading. In Proverbs 16:18 of the Bible it says, “Pride goeth before destruction, and an haughty spirit before a fall.” This kind of pride is one that is out of touch with reality. If I were to meet a new person and immediately try to impress upon them these facts about my life, they might rightly judge me prideful. In fact, I only talk or write about them when seeking to reflect on big things in my life that took lots of work that I’m proud of (in a more modest sense of the word).
Other people will have started a great career at 22, a family at 26, or spent a year backpacking around Europe or Asia and feel a similar pride. This modest sense of pride, or fulfillment, comes with taking on something initially very daunting and simply staying with it to fruition. Then we know we can. This knowing strengthens our will. It gives us confidence.
My wife and I are sometime sad that we didn’t start a family when we were younger. Being a 40-year-old parent of a toddler is hard. We don’t have the energy we once did. But then we realize that we were working hard on other dreams when we were younger. We were not chasing simple whims. And so we realize that we can be happy to be older parents who bring a life of experiences and (hopefully!) wisdom to parenthood.
Each moment is a Choice
We all have different paths in life and different way to live our will. We can benefit from thinking about our lives on a daily basis. What has worked today? What would we like to change? When we identify certain activities as more “whim” than “will” we can smile and begin the work of turning ourselves toward “will.”
We smile knowing we have just saved ourselves countless hours that can now be spent on meaningful projects for ourselves, our family, and our community. And we smile knowing that we can do this again and again as needed throughout our lives.
Justin Whitaker, Ph.D., holds a doctorate in Buddhist ethics from the University of London. He has given lectures, and taught Buddhist studies and Philosophy at Oxford University, the University of Hong Kong, the University of Montana, and at Antioch University’s intensive study-abroad program in India. A certified meditation teacher, he is a regular contributor to Patheos.com, and Senior Correspondent for Buddhistdoor Global. He lives in Missoula with his family.