Missoula counselors often get asked: what makes a good Dad?
Well, being a father is one of the most important roles you can ever take on. It’s an honor to be a parent, but it’s also challenging. The good news is that you can learn how to become the best dad you can be. Here are some tips to help you nurture your role as a dad and make strong connections with your kids.
Make Magic Moments
They say that the only memories that stick are the ones where we do something different. So with this said, what is something that you don’t always do everyday? It doesn’t have be be a trip to Mexico. It can just be going on a hike up the M or up Mount Sentinel!
Maybe it’s renting a room at the C’mon Inn and having a staycation. Maybe it’s going to the mall and renting those little animals that kids ride around on. Or heck, Scheel’s in the mall has a bowling alley and a kids’ playground.
The point is – you take’em fun places. You know, like the movies. And on your drive back home from the Roxy theater, or the AMC dine-in movie theater, make sure you talk about the movie like you are Siskel and Ebert, which helps critical thinking. How many stars was the movie? (Out of 4? Or out of 5? Or out of 10 with decimal points?) Thumbs up or thumbs down?
Sometimes it helps to write down a list of what you think your kids might enjoy!
Listen & Communicate
It may sound simple, but listening is one of the best things you can do as a dad. Encouraging open communication and creating an atmosphere where your child feels safe expressing their thoughts and feelings will help build trust between the two of you. Ask questions, show interest in their lives, and really listen to what they have to say without judgement or criticism.
Plus, if your kids are the littles, one of the first things you can do is to bend those knees and to get down on their level. Seeing the world from their eyes is absolutely magical.
Lead by Example
Children learn what they live, so it’s important for dads to set a good example in their behavior and attitude. That means being patient, kind, compassionate, and honest in everything you do. Showing respect for yourself and others will help your children understand the importance of these values in life.
Sometimes when your kids “misbehave” you will want to “explode” at them. But remember, they will be imitating your behavior. So if we can make sure that we can control our emotions, and calm down, then our kids will follow. This leads us to:
Patience
Patience is key when it comes to parenting. Children will test your patience on a regular basis but it’s important not to lose your temper or resort to physical punishment as this will only lead to more issues down the road. Instead, take a deep breath and remind yourself that this too shall pass—and it will!
Set Clear Boundaries
It’s important to set clear boundaries with your kids so they understand what is expected of them and how far they can push those boundaries before they cross a line. Kids need boundaries in order to learn how to make their own decisions within those boundaries. Be sure to explain why you set certain rules as well as the consequences if they are not followed.
This also means that if you say something you also follow through with what you say! So if you promise there will be a trip to that fun place, make sure you do it! This will send the message that your word is important.
Be Present & Engaged
Kids need quality time with their parents who are present—not just physically, but emotionally too. Creating meaningful memories together by playing games, taking family trips, or doing chores around the house may seem small at the time but they add up quickly over years of parenting. Spend time doing activities that both of you enjoy—this will help foster emotional closeness while building shared interests together as well.
My dad would take us out to play football on Sundays. A lot of time he was vacant because he was working so hard to put groceries on the table. But he never missed a Sunday, and we loved it.
Be Involved
It’s important to stay involved in your kids’ lives so that you know what is going on at all times and can help them if needed. Show up at their sports games, help them with school projects, listen when they want to talk about something—these small acts show them that you care and are there for them no matter what.
With this said, also have them get involved with what you’re doing! When they’re 3 years old, it can be as small as letting them help dress you! Or grabbing that screwdriver while you’re building that cabinet and holding those parts.
READ READ READ
Reading to your kids is the most important thing you can do to help foster their intellectual brains. Talking about what’s in the books and really getting into the characters while you are reading is where it’s at.
If it’s hard to show up to do this before bed – and oh yes, it will be and probably is – then get in a little bit of exercise with some pushups or even throw your head under a cold faucet. That will do it! No one said this was gonna be easy.
Show Them You Care
Children learn the most from their parents by watching what they do rather than listening to what they say. Show your little ones that you love them by displaying affection in all forms—verbal, physical and emotional. Demonstrate good manners; treat others with respect; apologize when you make mistakes; express gratitude; set boundaries; follow through on promises; and above all else—show up! Doing these simple things will help your children understand the importance of showing kindness and respect towards others, no matter who they may be interacting with.
Talk about Difficult Subjects
It can sometimes feel uncomfortable discussing difficult topics such as death or illness with young children but having important conversations early on can help prepare them for the future. Not only will it give your kids a better understanding of the world around them but it also allows you to start building trust from an early age so that when bigger problems arise in life (as they inevitably will), they will know where to turn for support and reassurance.
Conclusion
Being a great dad takes work but it’s worth it for both you and your children! You can start today by leading by example, listening & communicating with them openly & honestly, and spending quality time together engaging in activities that bring joy & create lasting memories for years to come! With love & effort on your part—you can become the best version of yourself as a dad!
John Michaels is a local Missoula author who graduated from Brown University in creative writing. He spends his time meandering around downtown Missoula, writing screenplays, doing cryotherapy, and playing chess.