A Personal Journey of Healing and Recovery
For me, depression in those winter months of Missoula was like a dark cloud that hung over my life, and I found myself doing anything I could to get a boost of dopamine. I would drive for hours to find a hot spring or eat muffins, hoping to find some sense of relief from the 100 pound set of weights that seemed to be crushing me.
Looking back, I can see that I was in a period of deep grief and trauma. My mother, my best friend, had passed away, and I felt like I was losing my mind. It was a dark time, and I wasn’t sure if I would ever be able to find my way back to the light. Driving around for hours and eating literally a pint of ice cream every day was a temporary solution … I mean, I knew something was wrong, but I didn’t really know how wrong it was.
It was like on some level I actually thought it was cool to be this romantic suffering artist or something.
But I knew I had to do something, (do normal people do this?), so I began seeing a therapist.
The Transformative Power of Therapy
In therapy, I learned healthy ways to manage my symptoms, including taking care of my body and spirit. Particularly the body! We talked about the role that diet, exercise, and self-care play in managing depression, and I learned how to focus on what I am grateful for and what is working in my life. Over time, these strategies began to add up, and I started to feel like myself again.
The Fixed Mindset
Depression can feel like being stuck in a dark room with no way out. For me, it felt like I had hit a wall in my life. I wanted to be a writer, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to succeed. I felt like a failure, and this brought about a fixed mindset.
A fixed mindset is the belief that our abilities and intelligence are set in stone, and that we can’t change them. Everything is either “win” or “lose”. When we have a fixed mindset, we feel stuck, powerless, and unable to grow or develop. This can lead to feelings of depression, anxiety, and low self-esteem. It can lead to escaping through just about every medium possible.
The Growth Mindset
With the help of therapy, I learned about the concept of the growth mindset. A growth mindset is the belief that our abilities and intelligence can be developed through hard work, dedication, and perseverance. Things are NOT set in stone. Through the power of baby steps, and directing our internal compass, our focus, to take baby steps, we feel empowered, motivated, and capable of achieving our goals.
Even just the simple act of starting the day by making my bed seemed to help.
Side note, the author of “Mindset” is Dr. Carol Dweck, a world-renowned psychologist and researcher in the field of motivation, personality, and developmental psychology. Dr. Dweck is a professor at Stanford University and has dedicated her career to studying the relationship between mindset and achievement.
Dr. Dweck’s groundbreaking research on the growth mindset has had a profound impact on our understanding of human potential and achievement. Her work shows that individuals with a growth mindset are more likely to persevere in the face of challenges, develop their abilities and achieve their goals.
Identifying the Limiting Negative Self-Talk
Along with studying “Mindset”, my therapist helped me identify my limiting beliefs and the negative self-talk that was holding me back.
Negative self-talk is one of the most destructive forces in our lives. It can hold us back, keep us stuck, and prevent us from achieving our full potential. But what if we could learn to tame that voice inside of us that tells us we’re not good enough, smart enough, or worthy enough?
The Importance of Labeling Your Inner Critic
The first step to overcoming negative self-talk is to label the voice inside of us that is responsible for it. By giving this voice a name, we can begin to separate ourselves from it, and recognize that it is not who we are.
For example, you might label your inner critic “The Judge” or “The Critic” or “Herman” or even a family member. By doing this, you are acknowledging that this voice is not the real you, but rather a part of you that needs to be managed.
Once you’ve labeled your inner critic, you can begin to take steps to manage it. This might involve talking back to the voice, challenging its negative beliefs, or simply learning to ignore it.
How Therapy Can Help You Tame Your Inner Critic
In the journey towards taming your inner critic, therapy can be an essential tool. A good therapist can help you identify the patterns and beliefs that are fueling your negative self-talk, and develop strategies for managing it.
My philosophy at the time I started taking therapy was: “Whatever gets my pre-frontal cortex going”. Whatever gets my language centers going. Why? Because this seemed to be working for me. We started to tie my deep emotions with language. Over time, I began to see progress and growth in my writing and in other areas of my life.
And a lot of it came about from not even trying to “succeed”. It was just showing up to write.
The Journey of Healing and Growth
Years later, I look back at that dark time in my life, and I barely recognize the person I was. With the help of therapy, I was able to manage my symptoms and regain a sense of control over my life. My wife and I even joke about how dark that period was, and how far I have come since then.
At Sunflower Counseling MT, we understand the challenges of managing depression, especially during the cold and gloomy winter months in Montana. Our team of therapists are here to help you find the support and guidance you need to manage your symptoms and find hope for the future. Whether it’s through therapy, medication, or lifestyle changes, we’re committed to helping you find the tools and strategies you need to overcome depression.
John Michaels is a local Missoula author who graduated from Brown University in creative writing. In between raising kids, he spends his time meandering around downtown Missoula, writing screenplays, playing chess, and working at Sunflower Counseling, MT.