As Missoula counselors, we are always hearing from parents that they don’t have enough time – with themselves or with their kids.
It’s hard to get in that time, and especially to make it quality. Here is one big idea – because it’s the little things that add up:
Cut the TV
Ugh. This sounds impossible. But remember: as Americans, we watch at least 40 hours per week. Imagine what this 2,000 hours could be spent doing instead: learning, reading, growing, contributing, or pursuing a dream.
Numerous studies have shown that TV contributes to obesity and poor eating habits. But on top of this, it also distracts us from really living.
It makes sense that what we surround ourselves with, we become. Just like what we eat goes into our bodies.
So if we sit around and watch “The Bachelor” all the time, then this becomes part of us. “Hoarders” becomes part of our psychology.
They say there is actually a “Jennifer Aniston Neuron”. This is one neuron just for her. Do you also need a “Hoarder” neuron? And a neuron for each one of the rejected wives on “The Bachelor”?
Or do you want neurons for the greatest ideas of all time, that are found in books? Part of the reason that Elon Musk is Elon Musk is because of his profound reading. He read the entire Encyclopedia Britannica when he was a child.
Reality
The people you love are not on the screens – they are in front of you.
According to the Journal of Economic Psychology, people who watch television report a lower life satisfaction, and they want more material objects. This causes more stress and anxiety – to always be comparing ourselves.
I’ll tell you what. I have a friend who doesn’t watch any television at all. And for one year, I spent time hanging out with him. And in that year, I didn’t watch any tv because I was with him all the time! It was one of the best years of my life.
Here are some tips to get rid of that pulsing screen in the corner of your room:
Decide to do it
Most of the big, healthy things in our lives come from a decision. “I’m going to stop (eating donuts, not working out, watching tons of tv).”
And all you have to do – is to realize that life might improve because of this new change …
And you’re willing to try it to see.
LESS is better
When we grew up, we had a television in our kitchen. And instead of talking, our family would stare at the tv – especially the nightly news. This made it so our conversations were very one-dimensional.
I often think, that if we had simply gotten rid of just that one tv, then we would have had actual conversations.
Keep the one in the living room. And that other one.
So maybe you can get rid of just one television, for starters.
HARDER TO ACCESS
We have a big television in our living room. But, it’s turned around. In order to access it, we actually have to turn it around. And there is a bunch of furniture in front of it. Thus, it’s a giant pain in the butt to get it turned around.
My friend Barrett, when he grew up, they had a tv in the closet. So to watch TV they had to drag it out! And they did it for special movie occasions.
Now they’ve grown up – and they’re all doctors and have huge houses and ranches.
And I bet you anything that Barrett has his TV in the closet.
ELIMINATE CERTAIN SHOWS
My kids love watching a show called “Masha and the Bear”. The problem with Masha, however, is that they are learning to talk. And Masha has zero to little words!
And so instead of Masha, we try and put on a show that teaches them to how to speak actual words – like “Baby Einstein” or “Sesame Street”. This way, they can at least get something from the experience and it can be seen as a little class.
If we’re going to do it, at least choose their programming in the beginning of life.
PLAN SOMETHING IN ITS PLACE
What can you do, that will go in the place of the tv?
My friend that I was telling you about – he and I used to go out for tea every night and play chess. Just the act of going to go and sit somewhere and talk, read, and play chess really made that year something special. It was one of the best years of my life. We went on a lot of walks.
I have no regrets.
So in the place of TV you can go for a walk.
Have a game night. Or make every day game night. The magic of cards.
Here are some other ideas
Find a book and read it! Make a special reading room where you can actually read in silence! Reading for over 30 minutes is like going on a vacation.
You can also pick up a new hobby. Online Spanish lessons. Online piano lessons. Online guitar lessons. You can allow yourself to do that “one thing” that you never allowed yourself to do. That thing that you want to do but always “never have time”.
Is it music? Is it writing a book? A screenplay for Netflix? Playing with the kids?
IT GETS EASIER
I remember when I was sick and had this horrible flu. It was the worst ever. Seriously.
And you know what I did the entire time I had it? I watched tv. Endless amounts. Think 24 hours of round the clock television.
I could taste the tv. And I watched everything. Nothing was off limits. I was scanning endlessly for new shows to watch!
Soon, the tv began to truly disgust me. Here’s what I observed: the tv is dumb. I realized how simple it was. It was just turning off my brain. And there was nothing there. It was as complete waste of time.
But I couldn’t stop watching. This was because the TV was always right there. Like putting cocaine on the counter. Or a pan of lemon cake.
So I said, “We have to get rid of this thing. At least put it in another room. Not where I sleep.” And I did. And it was a great decision.
TV VERSUS READING
One of the beautiful things about reading is the details. The descriptions of feelings that you can’t find in a movie. Plus, the author literally takes you to the event or the place. And this author is a great person like Lincoln or Benjamin Franklin. So you get to sit down to actual coffee or tea with many of the greatest minds in history.
And when you leave you don’t feel like you just wasted 3 hours on the “Bachelor”.
Instead, you’re thinking about this cool book and putting the ideas into your life.
Yes, even if it’s Stephen King. One of my greatest life experiences was reading “Pet Semetary” down in the basement as a kid. I’ll never forget it. As the rolling thunderclouds boomed outside, I lied down in our library in the basement, terrified.
HOW TO READ
Okay so you put the tv away. Now, how do you make the leap into books?
Here’s my technique: I go to the bookstore. And buy a bunch of new books that totally interest me. I’m dying to read them all. And I have this huge pile.
Then I pick one. And I take the other ones and I hide them. So that way, when I want to read again, or switch books, then I have mini-bookstore in my house.
It helps to have a reason to read the book. Maybe it’s your friend’s favorite book. And you want to discuss the book with your friend.
That’s what I do with my Dad. I realize he’s not going to be around forever, and so I want to read some of his favorite books that we can discuss. I can look back at that time we shared together. And every time we get together or are on the phone we talk about that one book that changed his life. It lets me peer into his psychology.
Which is infinitely better than staring at a tv screen.
Getting rid of your tv or even watching less tv by turning it around or hiding it in a closet is one of the fastest ways to living better immediately. It throws you into life into the present moment – which is where all the action happens. And it hurts at first – just like doing anything good.
But then, you shortly develop the new habits.
We set the example
As a parent, it’s important to remember that the kids are going to imitate what we do. So if we read, they read. If we watch tv, they watch tv. If we’re obsessed with our cell phones, so are they!
So we hate to hear this, but it’s true. If we want our kids reading and being the types of adults that we emulate, then we have to start with ourselves. In other words we have to clean up our act! We have to weed our own gardens.
That’s the good part about being a parent. Being in the Parent Club grounds people to reality. It makes us better people.
The New Identity
The first place to making a change is to start with your identity. “This is my identity that I don’t watch tv. My identity is that I read books and play with the kids.”
“This is what I do now. Now I read.”
“My identity is that I read.”