Watching someone you love struggle with their mental health is one of the hardest things a person can experience. You want to help, but you are not sure how. You are afraid of saying the wrong thing. You do not want to push them away. And somewhere underneath all of that, you are probably carrying your own fear, grief, and exhaustion that nobody is asking about. This post is for you — the person on the outside who loves someone on the inside of a struggle.
What Are the Signs That Someone I Love Might Be Struggling With Their Mental Health?
Sometimes the signs are obvious. Other times they are subtle and easy to explain away. Common signs that someone you love may be struggling include:
Withdrawing from people and activities they used to enjoy. Changes in sleep — sleeping much more or much less than usual. Changes in appetite or weight. Increased irritability, anger, or emotional outbursts that seem out of character. Expressing feelings of hopelessness, worthlessness, or being a burden to others. Difficulty concentrating or making decisions. Increased use of alcohol or other substances. Talking about death or dying — even in ways that seem casual or offhand.
That last point is particularly important. If someone you love expresses thoughts of suicide or self-harm, take it seriously every time. You can call or text 988 to reach the Suicide and Crisis Lifeline any time, day or night, for guidance on how to respond.
What Should I Say to Someone Who Is Struggling With Mental Health?
This is the question most people are really asking — and the fear of saying the wrong thing often leads people to say nothing at all. Saying nothing is almost always worse than saying something imperfect. Here are some approaches that tend to help:
Lead with presence, not advice. Simply saying “I have noticed you seem like you are going through something hard, and I want you to know I am here” goes further than any advice you could offer. Ask open questions. Instead of telling them what they should do, try asking “How are you really doing?” or “What has been the hardest part lately?”
Validate their feelings without minimizing them. Avoid phrases like “you just need to think positive” or “things could be worse.” These are well-intentioned, but they communicate that their feelings are not valid. Tell them you love them and that getting help is a sign of strength, not weakness.
Be specific with your offers of help. Instead of “let me know if you need anything,” try “I am going to bring dinner on Thursday — does that work?” Vague offers are easy to decline. Specific ones are harder to refuse and easier to receive.
How Do I Encourage Someone to Seek Therapy Without Pushing Them Away?
This is one of the most delicate conversations a person can have with someone they love, and there is no perfect script. A few principles that tend to help:
Choose your moment carefully. A calm, private moment is far better than bringing it up during or after a conflict. Come from love, not frustration. Starting with “I am scared because I love you and I can see you are hurting” lands very differently than “you need to get help.”
Share what you have noticed specifically rather than making general statements about their behavior. Mention therapy as one option among several rather than the only solution. Normalizing it helps — saying something like “I have been thinking about talking to someone myself lately” can reduce the stigma significantly.
If they are resistant, do not push hard in the moment. Plant the seed and return to it gently over time. Ultimatums rarely work and often backfire.
What If They Refuse to Get Help?
This is one of the most painful situations a loved one can face — watching someone you care about suffer while they refuse the support that could help them. A few things worth remembering:
You cannot force an adult to seek therapy, and trying to do so often creates more resistance. What you can do is continue to show up with love and consistency, maintain open lines of communication, and make clear that you will be there when they are ready.
You can also contact a therapist yourself to get guidance on how to best support your loved one. Many therapists are willing to have a consultation with family members about how to navigate exactly this situation.
And you can make it as easy as possible for them to say yes when they are ready — by researching therapists, checking insurance, and even offering to make the first call on their behalf.
How Do I Take Care of Myself While Supporting Someone Who Is Struggling?
This is the question that most people forget to ask — and it is one of the most important. Supporting someone through a mental health struggle is emotionally exhausting. If you do not take care of yourself, you will eventually have nothing left to give.
Some things that help: Set boundaries around what you can and cannot do. Caring for someone does not mean sacrificing your own wellbeing entirely. Talk to someone yourself — a therapist, a trusted friend, or a support group. You are carrying something heavy, and you deserve support too.
Recognize that you are not responsible for fixing them. You can love someone deeply and still not be able to heal them. That is not a failure. It is the reality of how mental health works. Give yourself permission to have your own feelings about the situation — fear, grief, frustration, and exhaustion are all completely valid responses to what you are going through.
Should I Go to Therapy Myself to Help Support My Loved One?
Yes — and this is one of the most powerful things you can do both for yourself and for the person you love. Individual therapy can help you process your own feelings about the situation, develop healthy boundaries, learn effective communication strategies, and avoid the burnout that comes from giving more than you have.
At Sunflower Counseling Montana, we work with many clients who come in specifically because someone they love is struggling. You do not have to be in crisis yourself to deserve support. Loving someone through a mental health struggle is hard enough.
Can Family Therapy Help When a Loved One Is Struggling?
Yes. Family therapy can be incredibly effective when mental health challenges are affecting the whole family system. It provides a structured, safe space for everyone involved to communicate more effectively, understand each other better, and develop strategies for supporting their loved one while maintaining healthy boundaries and relationships.
If you are interested in family therapy for your household, Sunflower Counseling Montana offers family therapy at our Missoula, Kalispell, and Butte locations as well as online for families throughout Montana.
How Do I Find Help for My Loved One at Sunflower Counseling Montana?
You can reach out on their behalf or encourage them to reach out themselves. Either way, we are here. When you contact Sunflower Counseling Montana, we will listen to your situation, help you understand your options, and work with you to find the right therapist for your loved one’s specific needs. We will also verify insurance benefits and make the process as simple and frictionless as possible.
Sometimes the most loving thing you can do for someone is make it easy for them to say yes to help. We are here to help you do exactly that.
Call or text Sunflower Counseling Montana today to get started: (406) 214-3810 or email hello@sunflowercounseling.com.
Serving clients in person in Missoula, Kalispell, and Butte — and online throughout Montana.
Frequently Asked Questions About Helping a Loved One With Mental Health
How do I talk to someone I love about their mental health without making things worse?
Start by choosing a calm, private moment and using “I” statements like “I have noticed you seem really tired lately” or “I care about you and I am worried.” Avoid judgmental language, unsolicited advice, or trying to diagnose them. Listen more than you speak and let them know you are there without pressure.
What should I do if my loved one refuses to go to therapy?
You cannot force someone to seek help, but you can keep the door open by expressing your concern with love, normalizing therapy, and offering to help with logistics like finding a therapist or making the first call. Continue showing up with patience and consistency — many people come around when they feel supported rather than pressured.
Is it normal to feel angry or frustrated when someone I love is struggling with mental health?
Yes. Anger, frustration, grief, guilt, and exhaustion are all common responses when supporting someone through a mental health struggle. These feelings do not mean you are a bad person — they mean you are human and carrying something heavy. Individual therapy can help you process these emotions in a healthy way.
Can I help someone with their mental health even if I am not a therapist?
Absolutely. You do not need clinical training to make a difference. Showing up consistently, listening without judgment, validating their feelings, and encouraging professional support are some of the most powerful things you can do. Your presence and love matter more than having all the right answers.
How do I take care of my own mental health while supporting someone else?
Set clear boundaries around what you can and cannot do. Make time for your own needs, relationships, and activities that bring you joy. Talk to someone you trust about what you are going through — whether that is a friend, family member, or therapist. You cannot pour from an empty cup, and taking care of yourself is not selfish.
About the Author: Marie is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC) and Clinical Director at Sunflower Counseling Montana, specializing in children, teens, families, and trauma-informed care across Montana.