I was recently watching a show called “Call the Midwife”, where one of the characters was clearly in desperate need of mental health counseling. However, due to the stigma of having a “therapist” – she basically lost it when it was suggested she seek help.
Granted, this was the 60’s and mental health care has gotten considerably better. But the feeling of this stigma is still present for many people today.
We often have people calling our office to share how they have never been in therapy before. Or, when they finally do come in, they say, “I don’t know why I waited so long.”
Getting a counselor is an extremely brave and courageous act. It takes inner strength to reach out and call for help. You are not alone – and there is nothing wrong with wanting to feel better. Here are some signs to look for when you think it may be time to seek counseling.
Feeling sad, mopey, irritable, or not yourself
We all have days that feel successful and others that are basically pure survival. But if you get stuck in the “pure survival mode” then this is a good sign to call.
Here’s the rule: If the thought comes up, “I might need counseling” then you probably do, so call!
If you have noticed a pattern of just not feeling like yourself, then your body might be telling you something. Maybe you have been more emotional or snapped at family or friends over trivial things. Sometimes it’s just the house being messy for longer than usual. This might mean you need to process whatever is going on under the surface.
Sometimes people notice these signs early on and do nothing to help cope. They can and often do get worse for the person. Unfortunately for some people, these feelings, like hopelessness, can escalate down the road into darker thoughts, and sometimes suicidal thoughts.
Turning toward substances or behaviors such as: alcohol, drugs, food, and sex for relief
Media has made the phrase “I need a drink” after a devastating thing happens to the character on screen. What would it be like to hear instead, “Man, I need to talk to my counselor.” It has a very different effect!
Using substances or behaviors to cope with painful events or feelings may provide some relief in the moment, but it is not a long-term solution to really heal. It is scary to face what happened to you or how you are feeling, but it will feel better with the help of a counselor.
When people use substances or engage in addictive behaviors, dopamine is released into the brain and the rewards are tremendous. The person feels wonderful for a short period of time. However, it quickly wears off and the person can often feel worse than before they sought relief from the behavior or substance.
Drugs like cocaine and heroin are often secretly laced with fentanyl. This gives these substances a whitish hue, and they have nothing to do with getting high. They are designed with one purpose in mind: to keep the addict coming back. And the addicts are so addicted that they don’t care that their drugs are laced because they need it so bad.
In other words, dealing with one’s emotions with drugs is a very dark road that often leads to imprisonment and death. Compare this with simply calling a psychotherapist, which can provide so much healing and relief.
You are experiencing grief or a big life transition
Life can be so miserable if you have experienced grief, loss, or a life transition. We may experience a crisis of identity. Counseling can be a safe haven to express these feelings and process them in a way that promotes relief and healing.
When we just rely on our friends and family for support sometimes it can have the opposite effect of what we are wanting. For example, there have been some situations where I have heard people express feeling like they are a “burden” for still being upset.
This is not a healthy way to cope. We know through research and experience everyone processes grief on different timelines. We can’t force ourselves to “get over it” or “move on” before we are ready. It’s important to process at your own pace.
Traumatic experience
We all have a protector part of ourselves which helps us to survive devastating experiences. Sometimes our protectors help us black out the experience and sometimes it helps us minimize the events. This doesn’t mean the effects are not present with us on a daily basis.
For example, veterans who were in Vietnam are often triggered by loud sounds. And on the 4th of July they drive out of town, or put on earbuds and turn their televisions up all the way.
Trauma is the same way. It can live in our bodies, emotionally, and be expressed at unexpected times. Working with one of our therapists like Dawn DeVor, can help you begin to process this pain.
You aren’t doing things you used to enjoy
Notice your day to day experiences. Are you fitting in time for the things you love? Maybe you are having a difficult time even remembering what those things used to be? This is also a sign to seek counseling. Sometimes people might notice they don’t have the energy or emotional stability to engage in activities they enjoy.
It takes a certain amount of energy to even do the “small” things. People who are depressed often can’t even brush their teeth – they leave it until the morning.
If any of what we are describing resonates with you, a counselor or therapist can help.
At Sunflower Counseling we have a team of qualified, caring professional counselors here in Missoula and across the state who have a passion for helping people heal their past traumas – and change their negative behaviors.
It’s always best to strike when the iron is hot, and to pick up the phone and call – especially when you are not sure what to do.