Last month, the New York Times published a story about what it calls freudenfreude, a term inspired by the German word meaning something like “joy for joy.” Most of us will be more familiar with its opposite: schadenfreude, meaning taking “joy in sorrow.”
Some of what leads us to schadenfreude is envy or jealousy. We enjoy the downfalls of those around us because it makes us feel better in comparison. These feelings tend to keep us apart from others, emotionally and physically. Sometimes we have them with friends or family, and this prevents us from getting close to these people.
Sometimes we might feel an unexpected moment of schadenfreude when a friend tells us about a new job, promotion, or romantic relationship. In these moments, if we are mindful, we can take note of the feelings arising and neutralize them or even turn them toward positive feelings.
Joy in Joy
When we experience authentic joy in the success of people close to us, we experience, freudenfreude. This emotion can act like glue, bringing us close to others as we share in their joy. Doing this, we can step outside of our small “self” to experience a greater “self,” one that includes those close to us. This kind of “self” expansion makes us grow calmer, happier, and more resilient in the face of life’s common ups and downs.
In many spiritual traditions, the goal of practice is to expand yourself to include all humans, or perhaps all beings entirely. In this way, we can take joy in the success of brilliant athletes or artists far away, or even the success of a tiny ant finding its way home in our yard. This helps us let go of our small egoic “self,” which so often becomes an obstacle to our happiness.
How to cultivate freudenfreude
Dr. Catherine Chambliss, a professor of psychology at Ursinus College, created a program for cultivating freudenfreude. She calls it Freudenfreude Enhancement Training (FET). The program has just three main steps.
First, develop active interest in the happiness of another person. We might think that we are already interested in the happiness of our friends and family, but the key here is to really cultivate it. If you have done loving-kindness meditation, you know that you can work to increase your positive feelings toward others. This is what is needed here.
One way you can do this is simply talk to our friends and family about their successes. By asking them questions about their achievements, you are likely to elicit joy from them. Then, as we are all social animals, we can reflect or mirror that joy back to them from ourselves. Much of the time, simply experiencing another person’s joy brings us happiness. Give it a try. As you experience the joy that they are talking about, you will likely mirror it back to them, making them even happier.
This kind of sharing in joy helps us to see the communal nature of success. Maybe you encouraged them along the way, or others did. Maybe you directly helped them prepare for a difficult interview or advised them on how best to overcome an obstacle. Either way, you’re able to take part in their success and see that any success is a shared achievement.
Share your success-joy with others
A next step is to share the joy of your success with others. Whenever something good happens in your life, however small, you can think of those who helped make it happen. For many of us, our parents will come to mind. After all, without them, we wouldn’t be here. Sometimes this brings up difficult emotions, in which case we can think of others we would like to share with.
At first, we can just call them to mind. Again, thinking of the loving-kindness meditation, we can call to mind a great benefactor in our lives, whoever has worked hard to ensure our success. A kind older friend might fit the part, or a relative, co-worker, boss, or longtime companion.
Then we can find ways to actively thank them. We can let them know a date went well, thanks to the great restaurant they recommended. Or that we are enjoying our new job, with thanks to the person who encouraged us to apply. Really, any time we notice good things in our life, we can think of a person (or people) who helped us get to where we are.
Observe joy everywhere
Beyond the joys of ourselves and those close to us, we can learn to see the joys all around us. I don’t watch World Cup Soccer, but I can take joy in friends whose teams won. The same goes for other sports. In fact, the sports world is a wonderful place to see people taking part in freudenfreude. One should be careful, though, as one can also develop schadenfreude as opposing teams lose or players we don’t like get injured.
Beyond sports, we can take joy in many things around us. Winter, for instance, can be a bore to many (and a time for Seasonal Affective Disorder, or SAD, for some). But if we have friends who delight in winter activities, we can be pulled out of our malaise in taking part in their joy.
If we’re lucky, we might even join them as they’re having fun, perhaps sledding or skiing, and have fun ourselves. Then we can be the ones bringing joy to yet other friends and family members, “paying it forward” as they say.
Justin Whitaker, Ph.D., holds a doctorate in Buddhist ethics from the University of London. He has given lectures, and taught Buddhist studies and Philosophy at Oxford University, the University of Hong Kong, the University of Montana, and at Antioch University’s intensive study-abroad program in India. A certified meditation teacher, he is a regular contributor to Patheos.com, and Senior Correspondent for Buddhistdoor Global. Justin is the official blog writer for Sunflower Counseling MT in Missoula, Butte, Kalispell, Billings, and surrounding areas. He lives in Missoula with his family.
